Say My Name!

Have you ever wondered what message your name carries?

Years ago there was a company that manufactured televisions, named Zenith.  Their tagline was, "the quality goes in before the name goes on."  Their message was quite clear, if the television didn't meet their standard of quality, it didn't get to "wear the name" Zenith.  The product had to live up to its' name!

In a day and time where first impressions are made mostly through some means of technology and medium, what you are named can mean the difference between getting a job or not.  Employers looking at a name on an electronic application or resume, might overlook someone because of their name.  People looking for a company to do business with, sometimes, choose a company because of how the name resonates with them.

I thought about this because on yesterday, I changed my name. There's an interesting story around it that I'll share with you now.  Back in the early 70's when I started school, parents did not have to bring any documentation to prove your identity.  My mom had passed when I was 19 months old and my dad was a Pastor of a huge congregation and was always busy.  That left the care of my siblings and I to my grandmother.  When it came time for me to start school, my granny took me and enrolled me in school.  And that's where the story began!

Upon enrolling me in school, apparently, my granny spelled my name the best she knew how.  She spelled it OLLIE.  It wasn't until years later that I found out the truth.  Years passed by and as far as anyone knew, including me, my name was Ollie.  It wasn't until after I gave birth to my first child and needed a copy of my birth certificate that I found out the truth!

I went downtown to the County Clerks Office and requested a copy.  Upon receiving the document, I noticed something quite strange, much to my surprise, my name wasn't spelled like I spelled it.  Turning around, my first inclination was to go back to the desk and tell them they had made a mistake.  However, upon further review, I noticed that all the other information, such as my parents name, my date of birth, the hospital I was born in, were all correct.

As I turned to walk away from the counter again, I had what I considered a "flashback!"  I remembered a conversation I had with my father when I was about 9 or 10, as he completed a field trip slip that was sent home by my teacher.  When I gave him the form to complete, there was a line there to enter my name.  My dad looked at me and said,"How do you spell your name, O-R-what?"  With a puzzled look on my face, I looked at him and said,"There's no R in my name. It's OLLIE."  At that very moment I realized that the name on my birth certificate was indeed, correct and so was my dad.  This strange name was the name my mother had given me at birth.  I giggled to myself and walked away from the counter.

I had lived all my life being teased because my name was Ollie only to find out my real name was Orley.  I laughed because I didn't like Ollie or all the horrible things the other children said when they teased me about it.  Oddly enough, I felt like my finding out this way was a blessing.  I could only imagine the amount of teasing that would have come along with Orley!  It was like the lesser of two evils!

I thought long and hard changing my name on my birth certificate.  After all, every other piece of identification, including my social security card said Ollie. Heck, so did every account I held, even my children's birth certificates!  It would be a little costly, but it beat the alternative of changing everything else in my life to match my birth certificate.

Nevertheless, upon giving it much thought, I decided to keep the name my mother gave me.  It must have meant something to her.  So, I went to the SSA and changed my name on yesterday so that it matched my birth certificate.  I will gradually change my other documents to read Orley.  If my mother gave it to me, there must have been a reason.

This morning I looked up my "new name."  I underlined the parts that agree with my character. Here is what it said:

Orley-There are 5 letters in your name. Those 5 letters total to 30. There are 2 vowels and 3 consonants in your name. Your number is: 3.  The characteristics of #3 are: Expression, verbalization, socialization, the arts, the joy of living.  The expression or destiny for #3:An Expression of 3 produces a quest for destiny with words along a variety of lines that may include writing, speaking, singing, acting or teaching; our entertainers, writers, litigators, teachers, salesmen, and composers. You also have the destiny to sell yourself or sell just about any product that comes along. You are imaginative in your presentation, and you may have creative talents in the arts, although these are more likely to be latent. You are an optimistic person that seems ever enthusiastic about life and living. You are friendly, loving and social, and people like you because you are charming and such a good conversationalist. Your ability to communicate may often inspire others. It is your role in life to inspire and motivate; to raise the spirits of those around you.

Your Soul Urge number is: 11.  A Soul Urge number of 11 means: With the 11 Soul Urge, much of your thinking and interests relate to the abstract, the spiritual, and utopian dreams. You are motivated toward idealistic concepts, and the sharing of your ideas and concepts with humanity. This number is not one that is giving in a material or a practical sense, but rather one who desires to help mankind with a more abstract commodity such as religion, spiritualism, occult studies, or even psychic abilities.

If you possess the positive 11 Soul Urge traits, you have a dream of the perfect world (you should read my poem Heaven and Hell, in my book, All is Well); you are highly idealistic and inspirational. Your inner strength and devotion to your beliefs are extremely strong. You have a very good mind that is especially well equipped to handle the higher, more abstract forms of thought.

I chose to keep my birth name because it is who I am.  Besides, to borrow from my friend, William Shakespeare, "That which we call an Orley, by any other name would smell as sweet!"

Check out some of my books that are available on Amazon.  Forgiven, My First Alphabet Bible, Life After Divorce

You can also find them on my website.  Click here!

What Are You Waiting For?

The New Year is just around the corner.   Now is a great time to celebrate what you have accomplished this year and assess what can be done to make next year a better year.  How many New Year’s resolutions dropped off your radar by January 15^th?  How many of them never even made it past day one?  How would it feel to never have to make another resolution ever again?

Though, resolutions may seem like a great idea, statistics show that nearly 95% of people fail to keep them each year.  Stop being a part of the statistic!  The good news is, you don’t have to wait until the New Year and you don’t need a resolution.  What you need is a plan.  You’ve got to have a plan!  It was Benjamin Franklin who wisely reminded us, “If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail!”  The key is setting practical, realistic and obtainable goals that will lead you toward the “New You” you’re desiring to become.  Here are three easy steps to help you see a “Healthier New You!”

• Step One - Decide Upon Your Goal

Decide upon your ultimate goal and realistically how long you want to take to obtain it.  Be totally honest with yourself about how much you really desire to meet this goal. You will need to take into account several things that you’ll need to accomplish your goal, such as:

• The amount of time you are able to set aside and when (before/after work, weekdays/weekends),
• The amount of effort it will take (physically, mentally, financially, emotionally),
• Who will be a part of your support team (friends, family, coach, trainer), as well as
• The reason you want to accomplish this goal (well-being, quality of life, look/feel better).

 

• Step Two - Put Your Plan In Place

If your goal has made it through Step One, now you can make a plan of action and put it into place.  Evaluate what you will need to do on a monthly, weekly and daily basis to meet your goal within your allotted time frame.  Outline your complete plan but fully complete a plan for Month 1.  Yes, one month. If there are tools already created that can assist you, by all means, use them! You don’t have to reinvent the wheel!

For instance - If your goal is to lose 50 pounds in ten months, outline your plan for the ten month period.  Then, for short-term goals, break your ten month plan down a month at a time.  Your short-term goal might be to lose 5 pounds a month.  This equates to about 1.25 pounds a week.  Your plan should include daily and weekly tasks that point you toward your five-pound a month goal.  If you have access to pre-planned meals, or recipes, use them.  If you follow your plan consistently, you will ultimately, reach your 50 pound goal.

Don’t beat yourself up if things didn’t go as intended.  If this is something you really want, the secret is to never give up!  You are right where you were meant to be! Also, remember to reward yourself for your accomplishments.  Don’t down play small steps, nothing is insignificant.   Celebrate the small victories!

• Step Three - Evaluate and Adjust

Each month, take the time to evaluate how well or how poorly you may have done.  Then adjust your plan accordingly for the following month.   If you are struggling in an area of your plan, be sure and make the necessary adjustments.  Evaluate if that portion of your plan can be modified, replaced or totally eliminated.  On the flip side, if part of your plan is working well, you might consider ramping it up a bit next month!  There’s a saying, “It’ll work if your work it!”  Work your plan!   Keep working it and working on it until you accomplish your goal.

Decide your goal.  Put your plan in place.  Evaluate and adjust as needed.  If you want a “Healthier New You” without all the hassle and guilt of unrealized New Year’s resolutions, you’ve got to do things differently!  With these steps, you won’t have the cloud of a failed New Year’s resolution hanging over your head to make you feel guilty.  In fact, you’ll more than likely find yourself smiling quite a bit as your progress becomes more and more evident.  These 3 easy steps will have you celebrating the New Year all year long!

                                      Happy New Year - Healthy New You! 

                 Dr. Ollie Anderson CPC, ELI-MP, AUTHORCHRISTIAN COUNSELOR

Put Chivalry Back to Work!

It appears that chivalry is no longer working.  It seems to be on holiday and in some places, on life support or maybe, even dead!  As we celebrate the Labor Day weekend, I am adamant about putting chivalry back to work!

Labor Day is a holiday that was created as a result of a labor movement in 1885.  By 1894 it was adopted as law and legislated as a national holiday.  The purpose of Labor Day is to celebrate social and economic accomplishments of American workers who contribute to this nation by supporting its economic growth.  The holiday commemorates the advancement of our country's pride, power and prosperity.  

I would have to say, though we have grown leaps and bounds in so many areas, we seemed to have regressed in so many others.   We seem to have gotten so caught up in prospering economically that we have lost some of the simple things that make life meaningful.  Social justice, race relations, financial equality are ideals that have proven to be major setbacks but for me, another of those ideals is chivalry.

 

Though it may not seem important to many, it is of grave importance to me.  It speaks to how, as a people, we have lost a basic caring for one another.  There is a difference in caring about me and caring for me.  Caring about me is comparable to having empathy, a minimal amount of thought and feeling might accompany it, but it requires no further action.  However, caring for me necessitates action.  Caring for me requires you not only understand how I feel but your compassion moves you to concern and accountability.

I know you may think this a bit heavy for the topic of chivalry, conversely, I think it may not be heavy enough.  I consider chivalry to be a lost art that is sorely missed.  Chivalry is simply having courage, honor, loyalty, respect and consideration for others.  My dad used to say, “When respect is gone, you don’t have to worry, love had already gotten its coat and hat and left!” 

My Godson posted this quote as a Feminist Philosophy Lesson on his Facebook page: "The door-opening and similar services provided are services which really are needed by people who are for one reason or another incapacitated-unwell, burdened with parcels, etc. So the message is that women are incapable". -Marilyn Frye.  I don’t know about other women but this was an insult to me.  I love and appreciate having my door opened by a gentleman.  It is not a sign that I am weak nor incapable.  It is a symbol that the gentleman thinks I am important enough for him to show his consideration toward me and open my door!

So, men as you celebrate this Labor Day, put chivalry back to work.  Demonstration your courage by caring for a woman.  Show that not only is chivalry not dead, but it’s reentering the work force!

Greatest Mother of All

Well, it's that time of year again.  The time when we celebrate those who are recognized for giving us life or cultivating the life given by another.  Good mothers are special people who deserve honor all year long.  However, since we have this day set aside, be sure and let your mom know how much she means to you.

My biological mother passed from a malignant brain tumor when I was only nine-teen months old.  Being so young, I have no memories of her.  What I do know from others is that she was an exceptionally kind and caring individual. She was advised that in her condition, she should not consider more children but she had me anyway.  Abortion was not an option.  That lets me know she was extremely strong.  Seeing that I am the youngest of thirteen children, she must have been quite patient as well.  Attributes I too, possess.

I believe I developed my love for singing from her as well.  I later found out from my dad that one of the songs I loved and would often sing in church, was my mom's favorite.  I often wondered if she sang that song while she carried me in her womb or if she would sing it to rock me to sleep when I was cranky.  What I do know, is that occurrences like this are no coincidence, there was something that drew me to this particular song.  Even though I didn't get to know my mom, I salute her memory and I miss her often.  Especially, on Mother's Day.

I have been fortunate enough to have others that have helped mold me and have poured into me.  For that I am truly grateful.  I love these women dearly and would never devalue what their being in my life has meant to me.  However, today, I salute my biological mom as the Mother of All Mothers!  Though she died not knowing how much she means to me or how much I love her, I believe she smiles down on me.  Knowing that she loved me enough to risk her own life to give me life and loved me with an unconditional love, makes my heart smile.  So, mom, "Here's to you, the Mother of all Mothers!"

Happy Mother's Day!

A Real Class Act!

Hainsley Lloyd Bennett

Acting is a skill, an art form, a style of expression that only a few become really good at.  Acting can be challenging.  It is hard work and it’s not something that everyone can do.  Yet, there are a few times in our lives that we get to see someone who commands the stage, someone so brilliant they make you believe that acting is easy or at least, they make it appear that way. 

Rarely is found an actor who is so authentic, one capable of putting their heart and soul into every script no matter what the part, who makes acting seem trouble free!  When you find an actor like this, my advice is to buckle up and hold on tight, you’re about to take the ride of your life!

Hainsley Lloyd Bennett is that kind of actor.  This acting phenomenon currently resides and performs his craft in the UK.  This British actor has done everything from television, video, stage, to the big screen.   He pours his heart and soul into every scene.  Hainsley has been cast as a soldier, lawyer, police officer, journalist, student and soon an accountant in his soon coming film White Awake.

His portrayal of Othello (a transitional version) was said to be “powerful and strong, a role where Hainsley made it his own.”   Hainsley’s role in the film London Boulevard (2010) with renowned actors Collin Farrell and Ray Winstone, was mesmerizing.  His acting career has afforded him nine film credits, two television credits and one credit as a writer. 

Hainsley has a purity in acting that draws you into the screen.  Your emotions seem to have a mind of their own.  You can feel your heart beating in your chest, your breathing intensifies and the wells of your eyes fill with tears.  You have to remind yourself that it’s a film and not real life. 

Speaking of real life, this handsome, 6 ft. frame Gemini, born May 31^st, loves all forms of creativity such as fashion, photography, cinematography, writing and of course, acting.  He loves adventure and the thrill of the new and exciting.  This is shown in his love for para-sailing and daredevil rides.  Hainsley believes the way you treat people says a lot about your character and that “please and thank you” are very valuable and powerful commodities.  He is very methodical, logical and precise, a perfectionist in his own right.  All of this is revealed in his acting ability and reaches out to touch you in a way you will never forget.

Hainsley Lloyd Bennett, actor extraordinaire, UK’s hidden gem and an acting force to be reckoned with.  World look out and listen up, this great UK secret is finally out of the bag! 

Actor (9 credits)

 2014 Smokestack (Short) –Journalist,  2013 Mamo (Short) –Amadi,  2013 The Seven Dancing Princesses (Short) –Soldier,  2012 Ill Manors -Armed Response Policeman,  2011 Alone Together (Short) –Michael,  2010 London Boulevard -Unfortunate Student,  2009 In a Relationship (Video short) –Dan,  2009 Keep Up If You Can (Short) –Pete,  2008 Casualty (TV Series),  Coroner's Officer - This Mess We're In: Part 2 (2008) ... Coroners Officer (as Hainsley Lloyd), - This Mess We're In: Part 1 (2008) ... Coroner's Officer (as Hainsley Lloyd)

Writer (1 credit)

 2014 Smokestack (Short)

Does Your Love Have Conditions?

February, though the shortest month of the year, it packs a huge bag and brings quite a bit with it.  February is the month that we celebrate Black History month. Other things take place, like the Oscars and other award shows.  There's a lot that takes place and keeps us busy during this short month.  However, even with all of the extra curricular activities that capture our attention, Valentine's day seems to make February the month of love.   Everyone is talking about it, they find it, they celebrate it.  Love seems to be the order of the day!

Now, if you've ever been to church, near a church or even read about a church, you have probably heard someone mention Agape`. Agape`is defined as unconditional love or the God kind of love.  It's love with no strings attached or simply said, no conditions.  

I recently had a conversation with a friend who shared with me some thoughts from a sermon he had heard. In this dissertation it was stated that in our finite, human minds, unconditional love does not exist. ( I paraphrase, but I do not deviate).  That we do not have the capacity to love unconditionally because we have limits as to how much pain, disappointment, etc. we are willing to accept from another individual.

This leads me to believe that it is not our capacity to love unconditionally, but our capacity to understand what love really is that makes unconditional love seem so out of reach.  Loving someone unconditionally is not synonymous with continually being in a position of being mistreated, misused or abused. Unconditional love says "I love you because of not necessarily in spite."  God loves us because he is love, not in spite of the fact that we are sometimes, unlovable.  

His gift of unconditional love is one I can accept or reject.  If I accept it, it comes with benefits. If I reject it, it comes with consequences.  What do I mean by that? Well, I'm glad you asked! God's love allows the sun to shine on those who are just as well as those who are unjust. This is just one benefit.  There are no conditions to how much he loves us all.  However, if I reject that love, the consequence of hell is real.  Now, would a loving God send me to hell, no, but by rejecting him I can choose hell for myself.  This means God is not obligated to take me into his Heavenly home nor treat me to the added benefits that accompany accepting his gift of love.

In the same manner, if I love someone and they reject that love, I don't stop loving them, however, their choice gains them the consequence of not being allowed in my "house," my inner court, my inner circle.  They forfeit their right to partake in the things that people who accept my love freely enjoy.  

So, does my love have conditions?  No, but it does have benefits and consequences! Love you!

Life or Death?

As we start to settle our feet in the sands of 2015, I am sure we have all taken some time for a little self reflection.  We have looked back over the last year and taken stock of what we have done.  We have taken inventory of our lives to determine what we have left and what we need to gain.  We have given deep thought to our past decisions and assessed their effectiveness in our lives to this point.  We have done all of this to help us determine which path we will take moving forward.

How many of us have given thought to the fact that there is a grave difference between living and being alive? So, as we look back over not just 2014 but the years prior, I suspect not many of us have examined whether we are embracing life by loving the life we                                       live or just existing by merely avoiding death!

I was sharing with a friend of mine whose family member was diagnosed with a terminal disease.  In our humanness, when we get news like this, we tend to go into survival mode.  We often forget to embrace life and all it has to offer and immediately go into the caution zone.  Here we become afraid to live, laugh and enjoy life as if it will offend death in someway.  Truth be told, someone with a terminal illness can out live someone who is "fit as a fiddle!"  So, why not embrace those moments of love and joy that can never be replaced.  The worst thing that can happen is if your loved one does pass away, you'll have some wonderful memories to help you live on.

There are some of us who have not been given a grave diagnosis yet we live our lives as if we are just avoiding death.  Even when we do things such as eating right or exercising, we don't take the time to really enjoy the meal or the moment.  We just want to get it over because it will supposedly help us live longer, healthier lives but we don't like doing it.  If you are eating healthy it doesn't mean the food has to be awful. Try new recipes and savor every bite! Test yourself as you exercise.  Make a game of it.  Beat your last result or challenge a friend to a duel.  Enjoy the moment!

We tend to let the great moments pass by too quickly and linger much too long with the moments that are not so great.  

So, as you continue to walk through the sands of time, take the time to enjoy every God given moment that brings you joy and find a way to quickly dismiss the moments that don't.

You get to choose!

There is a coaching principle that states, "Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional."  You get to choose how long you want to suffer through the pain the waves of life wash upon your shore.  Though some waves are higher and more severe than others, if you learn to ride the waves and stay afloat, there's no wave you can not endure! Embrace the wave or risk drowning in the sea of life!

The next time you find yourself having to make a decision about how you are going to live your life, let one factor be whether the decision will help you embrace life or will it simply help you to avoid death!