Put Chivalry Back to Work!

It appears that chivalry is no longer working.  It seems to be on holiday and in some places, on life support or maybe, even dead!  As we celebrate the Labor Day weekend, I am adamant about putting chivalry back to work!

Labor Day is a holiday that was created as a result of a labor movement in 1885.  By 1894 it was adopted as law and legislated as a national holiday.  The purpose of Labor Day is to celebrate social and economic accomplishments of American workers who contribute to this nation by supporting its economic growth.  The holiday commemorates the advancement of our country's pride, power and prosperity.  

I would have to say, though we have grown leaps and bounds in so many areas, we seemed to have regressed in so many others.   We seem to have gotten so caught up in prospering economically that we have lost some of the simple things that make life meaningful.  Social justice, race relations, financial equality are ideals that have proven to be major setbacks but for me, another of those ideals is chivalry.

 

Though it may not seem important to many, it is of grave importance to me.  It speaks to how, as a people, we have lost a basic caring for one another.  There is a difference in caring about me and caring for me.  Caring about me is comparable to having empathy, a minimal amount of thought and feeling might accompany it, but it requires no further action.  However, caring for me necessitates action.  Caring for me requires you not only understand how I feel but your compassion moves you to concern and accountability.

I know you may think this a bit heavy for the topic of chivalry, conversely, I think it may not be heavy enough.  I consider chivalry to be a lost art that is sorely missed.  Chivalry is simply having courage, honor, loyalty, respect and consideration for others.  My dad used to say, “When respect is gone, you don’t have to worry, love had already gotten its coat and hat and left!” 

My Godson posted this quote as a Feminist Philosophy Lesson on his Facebook page: "The door-opening and similar services provided are services which really are needed by people who are for one reason or another incapacitated-unwell, burdened with parcels, etc. So the message is that women are incapable". -Marilyn Frye.  I don’t know about other women but this was an insult to me.  I love and appreciate having my door opened by a gentleman.  It is not a sign that I am weak nor incapable.  It is a symbol that the gentleman thinks I am important enough for him to show his consideration toward me and open my door!

So, men as you celebrate this Labor Day, put chivalry back to work.  Demonstration your courage by caring for a woman.  Show that not only is chivalry not dead, but it’s reentering the work force!

Greatest Mother of All

Well, it's that time of year again.  The time when we celebrate those who are recognized for giving us life or cultivating the life given by another.  Good mothers are special people who deserve honor all year long.  However, since we have this day set aside, be sure and let your mom know how much she means to you.

My biological mother passed from a malignant brain tumor when I was only nine-teen months old.  Being so young, I have no memories of her.  What I do know from others is that she was an exceptionally kind and caring individual. She was advised that in her condition, she should not consider more children but she had me anyway.  Abortion was not an option.  That lets me know she was extremely strong.  Seeing that I am the youngest of thirteen children, she must have been quite patient as well.  Attributes I too, possess.

I believe I developed my love for singing from her as well.  I later found out from my dad that one of the songs I loved and would often sing in church, was my mom's favorite.  I often wondered if she sang that song while she carried me in her womb or if she would sing it to rock me to sleep when I was cranky.  What I do know, is that occurrences like this are no coincidence, there was something that drew me to this particular song.  Even though I didn't get to know my mom, I salute her memory and I miss her often.  Especially, on Mother's Day.

I have been fortunate enough to have others that have helped mold me and have poured into me.  For that I am truly grateful.  I love these women dearly and would never devalue what their being in my life has meant to me.  However, today, I salute my biological mom as the Mother of All Mothers!  Though she died not knowing how much she means to me or how much I love her, I believe she smiles down on me.  Knowing that she loved me enough to risk her own life to give me life and loved me with an unconditional love, makes my heart smile.  So, mom, "Here's to you, the Mother of all Mothers!"

Happy Mother's Day!

A Real Class Act!

Hainsley Lloyd Bennett

Acting is a skill, an art form, a style of expression that only a few become really good at.  Acting can be challenging.  It is hard work and it’s not something that everyone can do.  Yet, there are a few times in our lives that we get to see someone who commands the stage, someone so brilliant they make you believe that acting is easy or at least, they make it appear that way. 

Rarely is found an actor who is so authentic, one capable of putting their heart and soul into every script no matter what the part, who makes acting seem trouble free!  When you find an actor like this, my advice is to buckle up and hold on tight, you’re about to take the ride of your life!

Hainsley Lloyd Bennett is that kind of actor.  This acting phenomenon currently resides and performs his craft in the UK.  This British actor has done everything from television, video, stage, to the big screen.   He pours his heart and soul into every scene.  Hainsley has been cast as a soldier, lawyer, police officer, journalist, student and soon an accountant in his soon coming film White Awake.

His portrayal of Othello (a transitional version) was said to be “powerful and strong, a role where Hainsley made it his own.”   Hainsley’s role in the film London Boulevard (2010) with renowned actors Collin Farrell and Ray Winstone, was mesmerizing.  His acting career has afforded him nine film credits, two television credits and one credit as a writer. 

Hainsley has a purity in acting that draws you into the screen.  Your emotions seem to have a mind of their own.  You can feel your heart beating in your chest, your breathing intensifies and the wells of your eyes fill with tears.  You have to remind yourself that it’s a film and not real life. 

Speaking of real life, this handsome, 6 ft. frame Gemini, born May 31^st, loves all forms of creativity such as fashion, photography, cinematography, writing and of course, acting.  He loves adventure and the thrill of the new and exciting.  This is shown in his love for para-sailing and daredevil rides.  Hainsley believes the way you treat people says a lot about your character and that “please and thank you” are very valuable and powerful commodities.  He is very methodical, logical and precise, a perfectionist in his own right.  All of this is revealed in his acting ability and reaches out to touch you in a way you will never forget.

Hainsley Lloyd Bennett, actor extraordinaire, UK’s hidden gem and an acting force to be reckoned with.  World look out and listen up, this great UK secret is finally out of the bag! 

Actor (9 credits)

 2014 Smokestack (Short) –Journalist,  2013 Mamo (Short) –Amadi,  2013 The Seven Dancing Princesses (Short) –Soldier,  2012 Ill Manors -Armed Response Policeman,  2011 Alone Together (Short) –Michael,  2010 London Boulevard -Unfortunate Student,  2009 In a Relationship (Video short) –Dan,  2009 Keep Up If You Can (Short) –Pete,  2008 Casualty (TV Series),  Coroner's Officer - This Mess We're In: Part 2 (2008) ... Coroners Officer (as Hainsley Lloyd), - This Mess We're In: Part 1 (2008) ... Coroner's Officer (as Hainsley Lloyd)

Writer (1 credit)

 2014 Smokestack (Short)

Does Your Love Have Conditions?

February, though the shortest month of the year, it packs a huge bag and brings quite a bit with it.  February is the month that we celebrate Black History month. Other things take place, like the Oscars and other award shows.  There's a lot that takes place and keeps us busy during this short month.  However, even with all of the extra curricular activities that capture our attention, Valentine's day seems to make February the month of love.   Everyone is talking about it, they find it, they celebrate it.  Love seems to be the order of the day!

Now, if you've ever been to church, near a church or even read about a church, you have probably heard someone mention Agape`. Agape`is defined as unconditional love or the God kind of love.  It's love with no strings attached or simply said, no conditions.  

I recently had a conversation with a friend who shared with me some thoughts from a sermon he had heard. In this dissertation it was stated that in our finite, human minds, unconditional love does not exist. ( I paraphrase, but I do not deviate).  That we do not have the capacity to love unconditionally because we have limits as to how much pain, disappointment, etc. we are willing to accept from another individual.

This leads me to believe that it is not our capacity to love unconditionally, but our capacity to understand what love really is that makes unconditional love seem so out of reach.  Loving someone unconditionally is not synonymous with continually being in a position of being mistreated, misused or abused. Unconditional love says "I love you because of not necessarily in spite."  God loves us because he is love, not in spite of the fact that we are sometimes, unlovable.  

His gift of unconditional love is one I can accept or reject.  If I accept it, it comes with benefits. If I reject it, it comes with consequences.  What do I mean by that? Well, I'm glad you asked! God's love allows the sun to shine on those who are just as well as those who are unjust. This is just one benefit.  There are no conditions to how much he loves us all.  However, if I reject that love, the consequence of hell is real.  Now, would a loving God send me to hell, no, but by rejecting him I can choose hell for myself.  This means God is not obligated to take me into his Heavenly home nor treat me to the added benefits that accompany accepting his gift of love.

In the same manner, if I love someone and they reject that love, I don't stop loving them, however, their choice gains them the consequence of not being allowed in my "house," my inner court, my inner circle.  They forfeit their right to partake in the things that people who accept my love freely enjoy.  

So, does my love have conditions?  No, but it does have benefits and consequences! Love you!

Life or Death?

As we start to settle our feet in the sands of 2015, I am sure we have all taken some time for a little self reflection.  We have looked back over the last year and taken stock of what we have done.  We have taken inventory of our lives to determine what we have left and what we need to gain.  We have given deep thought to our past decisions and assessed their effectiveness in our lives to this point.  We have done all of this to help us determine which path we will take moving forward.

How many of us have given thought to the fact that there is a grave difference between living and being alive? So, as we look back over not just 2014 but the years prior, I suspect not many of us have examined whether we are embracing life by loving the life we                                       live or just existing by merely avoiding death!

I was sharing with a friend of mine whose family member was diagnosed with a terminal disease.  In our humanness, when we get news like this, we tend to go into survival mode.  We often forget to embrace life and all it has to offer and immediately go into the caution zone.  Here we become afraid to live, laugh and enjoy life as if it will offend death in someway.  Truth be told, someone with a terminal illness can out live someone who is "fit as a fiddle!"  So, why not embrace those moments of love and joy that can never be replaced.  The worst thing that can happen is if your loved one does pass away, you'll have some wonderful memories to help you live on.

There are some of us who have not been given a grave diagnosis yet we live our lives as if we are just avoiding death.  Even when we do things such as eating right or exercising, we don't take the time to really enjoy the meal or the moment.  We just want to get it over because it will supposedly help us live longer, healthier lives but we don't like doing it.  If you are eating healthy it doesn't mean the food has to be awful. Try new recipes and savor every bite! Test yourself as you exercise.  Make a game of it.  Beat your last result or challenge a friend to a duel.  Enjoy the moment!

We tend to let the great moments pass by too quickly and linger much too long with the moments that are not so great.  

So, as you continue to walk through the sands of time, take the time to enjoy every God given moment that brings you joy and find a way to quickly dismiss the moments that don't.

You get to choose!

There is a coaching principle that states, "Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional."  You get to choose how long you want to suffer through the pain the waves of life wash upon your shore.  Though some waves are higher and more severe than others, if you learn to ride the waves and stay afloat, there's no wave you can not endure! Embrace the wave or risk drowning in the sea of life!

The next time you find yourself having to make a decision about how you are going to live your life, let one factor be whether the decision will help you embrace life or will it simply help you to avoid death!

I Feel Like Chicken Tonight!

As I sat and pondered what I wanted to title this post this was the title that came to mind.  My thoughts went to sayings like; “You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar”, “Why put off for tomorrow what you can do today?” and my experience of getting more likes on Facebook with topics on Food vs. Fear!

“I feel like chicken tonight” is simply my way of easing us into the reality that in so many cases we take on the role of the “chicken!”  We allow fear to paralyze us and stop us from doing the things we know we need to and very well should be doing.

Fear seems to find its’ way into every aspect of our lives if we allow it! Fear can stop us from confronting someone who has mishandled us in our lives by speaking up for ourselves to stepping out on faith and making life changing, life altering decisions!  If we continue to put these things off, they only tend to compound, get worse, or become farther from our reach.

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real!

We tend to use excuses such as, I just don’t have the time or the money, and my favorite, what if it doesn't work out?  Here’s a couple of questions for that:

• What if it does work out?
• If it doesn't, what’s the worst that can happen?
• How is your present condition working out for you?

A friend of mine often says, “What we consider reality is just a piece of our possibility!” (BSG)  So, what’s possible for you?

Time has taught me that we tend to regret more the things we don’t do than the things we do.  My recommendation is to assess your situation and ask yourself the questions above.  It your answers point to a better situation, then my question is how long will you continue to be the chicken served up on the platter of life?  Just because you have all the trimmings and the table is nicely set does not mean that you should be the main course!

It’s never too late to change your appetite or the menu you prepare for your life!  So, take a chance. There is nothing to fear except fear itself!

The Day "The Pinch" Stole Thanksgiving

Over the years our idea of Thanksgiving has evolved has evolved into something that is far different than it was when I was a child.  My greatest fear now, is that by the time my grandchildren are old enough to hold their own Thanksgiving celebrations, that there will be no giving of thanks! If something is not done to keep some of our tradition in tact, I'm afraid Thanksgiving will soon be a thing of the past!

The Thanksgiving celebration, as we know it, were days the Pilgrims celebrated as part of their religion. These celebrations were days of prayer, not days of eating turkey and stuffing their faces (no pun intended). Our national holiday really began from the feast held in the fall of 1621 by the Pilgrims and the Wampanoag as they celebrated the colony's first successful harvest.

For me, Thanksgiving was a day you spent with family and friends enjoying one another's company. This was the one day you were allowed to eat too much, sleep it off and wake up and eat some more. As I got older, we started spending the mornings in church to give thanks to God then we came home to eat too much! I'm sure some of you remember great dinners, football games, flag football and just sitting around laughing and having a good time.  

Then, there was the day after Thanksgiving! This was the day we rearranged the furniture, put up the tree and hung the Christmas lights and stockings!  We at left over turkey and ham sandwiches, finished off the deserts and watched Christmas themed movies.  My favorites were Miracle on 34th Street and Santa Clause Is Coming to Town! But something happened.  Instead of hanging Christmas decorations, we somehow found ourselves in store lines at 3 AM trying to catch the latest, greatest sale. We fought our way through crowds, stood in the cold, walked around all day just to get that bargain item that we know was limited in quantity. We called it Black Friday!  

The term “Black Friday” began back in the 1960's to commemorate the start of the Christmas shopping season. “Black” refers to stores moving from the “red” to the “black,”  as our impulse spending and the need to "pinch pennies" caused them to turn great profits.  However, "Black Friday" didn't began with such "pleasantries."   The term Black was used to mark catastrophe and crisis such as the stock market collapse in 1869. Black Friday really began with a disgruntle police officer in Philadelphia who hated the crowds in the streets honoring festivals and sports activities the day after Thanksgiving. He started the term in hopes that people would be discouraged and stay at home.  As we can see, that really didn't work!

My fear now is that the stores are not just opening on Black Friday but they are now opening on the evening of Thanksgiving.  Surely there will be some of us who just can't miss that "great sale" who will cut our time short with our families to participate.  Shopping is now available online all day on Thanksgiving, wow! Don't burn the turkey!

Though I have an online store and would love for everyone to shop on that site, my greatest hope is that Thanksgiving won't be the day you do it. Don't let the "Pinch" steal your family's Thanksgiving. I know over the years times have changed and things have evolved but I employ you to hold on to some tradition.  Don't make Thanksgiving a thing of the past! Continue to make Thanksgiving a time of giving thanks to God and sharing valuable time with family.  After all, anything you can buy them for Christmas could never replace time spent with them right now! (pun intended!) HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Dr. Ollie Anderson

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